Don’t Loose Yourself

5 Jun


One of the things about being single that I keep trying to do is continue to be myself. I feel like a lot of girls go out of their way to do things just to meet guys. I am not at all into drinking so why would I go to a bar to meet a guy? He obviously likes drinking so it could become an issue later- and I wouldn’t be portraying my true self by being somewhere I don’t actually enjoy being. I choose to surround myself with people I love. When I was younger that wasn’t the case at all I would put myself into knots if someone didn’t like me; even if I didn’t like them. But as I’ve gotten older I realized that I don’t need to keep the people around who don’t make me happy. Life is way too short to worry about what other people think about the clothes I wear, how I do my hair, and what I weigh.

I adore my mom, and as I’ve gotten older I’ve been able to see her as a person and not just my mom which I think is pretty cool. I enjoy hanging out with her. However, mom is one of the people who keeps pushing that I go places and get involved in things with the sole purpose of meeting a guy. I don’t want to and will not do that. I want to do the things I enjoy, and unfortunately those activities generally aren’t  where you would meet a guy. Antique stores? Forget it. Book stores? Possibly… I’ve gotten to a point where I just am not interested in a relationship; honestly I go back and forth on this a lot especially when I’m the only single person at family events or even in my circle of friends.

I think part of the reason I’m losing interest in wanting a relationship is because I have only had bad experiences with guys. Growing up I was teased and picked on by boys more than girls, I asked two different guys to prom and they both turned me down, and the guys as I got older  just used me. The most despicable of them all was my last relationship; described in my time capsule post.  I’m sure these guys are alright to the girls they choose to put on a nice act for but what about me makes them think it’s okay to treat me so poorly? I certainly hope I don’t smell of desperation because I know I’m not easy. My mom thinks it’s because I have to high of standards; I expect too much out of people…I don’t see how that is a bad thing. Besides I wouldn’t want to lower my standards to encourage a guy to like me; it would be temporary and if they don’t like me as I am then there is no point whatsoever in trapping them into thinking I am an easy going person when I’m not. That wouldn’t be fun or fair to either of us.

For right now, even though some days it is very hard, I need to stay single. I can’t change my personality to accommodate a relationship and if that’s what it’s going to take I’ll have to wait until my personality evolves to a more acceptable level on its own; forcing me to do anything never ended well for anyone. So here I sit telling myself to have fun and be happy because this is my one and only life and with just me and me alone I need to make the best of it!


One Response to “Don’t Loose Yourself”

  1. sexinthecincy June 5, 2013 at 11:00 PM #

    Nothing wrong with being single!

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