Empirically Encouraged & Empowered

11 Jun

666There are a lot of reasons to get married, and I’m totally convinced that getting married is a good thing to do. Sure divorce is an issue in our country but let’s take a step back for just one second. Divorce is something we control. Honestly it is. It’s a choice that is made so often its common place now.

Well the reasons to divorce that I hear most commonly are “we fell out of love”… I’d be willing to bet you were never in “love” rather you were in “lust” mistaking it as love and jumping into a marriage.  “We are just different people now”…to that I would say you got married too young then. If you don’t know who you are on your own then you should probably not be getting married.

What happens is you wrap your entire identity into that other person, that’s not attractive. I would want to marry a confident interesting man; therefor he would probably want to marry a woman who is confident and interesting. If I wrap my whole identity into him I am neither confident nor interesting…I essentially become a shadow or a burden instead of a partner.

Why women do this is beyond me. The marriages that last for 60 years are the men and women who were in our social and economic boom following WWII. The women of that generation held our country together while their dads, husbands, brothers, sons were away. Those women were confident and interesting and just oozing gumption.

That kind of personality is what makes, in my opinion, a really great person to be around. So of course their marriage is going to reach past gold silver and whatever else milestone you can throw at them. Do I think after several years your lives meld into one, well yeah I would hope so but it’s about being your own person in a team not just an extra stand in. Make Sense?

So thinking along these lines I found a very interesting article online Getting Married Later Is Great for College-Educated Women by Eleanor Barkhorn (I’ll post the link at the end of this blog post). This article was really just fantastic I made so much sense and really kind of validated the decisions I’ve made thus far. Women who wait to marry after they have completed their college education are going to make 56% more  money, these women are also more likely to make better decisions about when to start a family. 83% of births to women between 20 and 25 are unmarried. That is a staggering number.

I am encouraged to hear that I am a growing trend of late-marrying women. It’s nice to know that women are choosing to better themselves before jumping into a family where the opportunity to grow as an individual is limited. Now, I have a disclaimer here. I have several high school friends who have all gotten married around 22 or 23. Their husbands are very nice, their children are beautiful and I am beyond happy for them and am honored to be a continued part of their lives.

I’ll be honest though; money is very tight, some of them I can tell have lost a little bit of their individual interests and personality…did they make a bad decision getting married young? No, they’re happy that was their call. But I hope that when I finally get married money isn’t a constant struggle and I still have my individual interests and friends. I think it is totally possible to remain who you are while being a part of a team and a family. I’m not spending my twenties building and growing into a “cool” person just to throw it all out the window when I get a ring.



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