Constricting Thought Processes

8 Jul


I have been under the assumption that people my age (25)  have been getting married as young as they are because of where I live- a very, very, very traditional area; to the extreme. But now I’m starting to wonder if that’s not the case at all. I keep seeing these articles online of people saying over and over again that the pressure to be in a relationship in your 20’s is out of control and every time you get on Facebook someone else is engaged, or having a baby which is then referred to as “babybook”.

So what is going on? Why is there this pressure and hustle to be tied down? Honestly, relationships and families are wonderful; I am NOT saying anything against them. But why rush into it? I feel guilty every other day for being single; I wonder if I am doing something wrong, or even worse if something is wrong with me. How ridiculous is that? Where did the stigma come from that anyone who is single is unhappy? I’m even guilty of this, if meet a 30 something year old who was single and my first thought is “gosh wonder what’s wrong with them” NOTHING. There is NOTHING wrong with people who choose to be single. And further still then that there is nothing wrong with people for holding out for the “perfect for them” person.

Why lower your standards or expectations just to fit yourself into a mold? So you don’t have to go to a wedding alone, or a party? I am so guilty of this; I refuse to go to half of our family events and parties because I am so unbelievably embarrassed. Why in the name of Jane Austen am I embarrassed?! I have a really great job, I have a college education, I have amazing friends, and I do fun things. So I am embarrassed because my standards are too high? Not really, I work really hard to be an accomplished person so why would I settle for a couch potato who games all day long?

Honestly, if you sit back and evaluate the situation objectively the positives and negatives of being single to those of being in a relationship are about even, for me anyway. So why is it that our society is valuing a relationship more highly of that then single people? Well, we aren’t. The single lifestyle is dramatized in music, movies, television. It’s played up as this amazing time in your life where you have endless fun, money to burn, and responsibility to only yourself. While a relationship life is dramatized as a burden, hassle, dramatic fighting, and never enough money to do enjoyable things.

So where is this coming from? How does being single in the media world go from glamorous and exciting to lame and depressing in real life? I’m going to say the majority of our population does what the media; television, movies, and music says. So why in this instance do we do the opposite? Doesn’t make sense to me. I know in the case of my family all my mom can think about is grandkids. She’s blinded by it. For some families then it may just be that they want to add to their family. But I feel like a lot of the time the excuse is they “want to see you happy” well…I am happy. I like my job, my friends, my life. Why does being single mean I am not happy? The only thing making me unhappy is the stress of being single from everyone else around me; if that wasn’t there I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t worry about it for one more second.

One of the most amusing parts of this whole cultural shift we are currently experiencing is a lot of people in a relationship, married, kids all say the same thing. I love my life, I wouldn’t trade it but I miss being single. So why would you want to pressure a single person into giving up that lifestyle so quickly? Your life has its ups and downs, happy and depressing moments just like a single persons so why then is it better? Why can’t get there when we get there?

Our culture is changing the average marriage age is going up; and maybe that’s the problem. We are in a cultural shift that the people who saddled up more quickly are becoming the minority and those who chose to hang on to single life a little longer are the majority. The problem being that its change, and change is scary and few embrace it. Another intriguing aspect to this issue is, I am wondering, because women are choosing to stay single longer. Men typically do get married later in their 20’s then women. It’s been this way since the time of my beloved Jane Austin and before. Old men marry young girls. So men are romping about for 40 years enjoying life single while women are socially required to marry at 16, 17, 18, 19, 20…whatever the age for the decade. Now women are choosing to wait longer….maybe that is where the sudden panic from society is coming from, hurry and pressure them into getting married, it’s what we’ve always done, it’s not normal to wait this long…why are women choosing to stay single? Better education usually; that’s not opinion that’s statistical fact. I am all for people thinking with a 21st century brain opposed to a 19th century brain.

Women are taking time to know themselves better before choosing a lifetime partner. That should be celebrated, not looked down upon. Relationships and families are wonderful when you’re good and ready; and not one minute sooner.


2 Responses to “Constricting Thought Processes”

  1. sexandthecincy July 13, 2013 at 6:10 PM #

    I could not agree with you more. It took me being broke up partly because I pressured my partner to rush to understand this.


  1. Relationship Thoughts Vs Single Thoughts | oheyitsanjie - July 15, 2013

    […] Constricting Thought Processes ( […]

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