“Too”

21 Aug

I’ve been called “too” a lot lately; too opinionated, too bossy, too masculine, too sensitive, too serious. I’d rather be “too” then not enough. I’d rather laugh too much, I’d rather speak my mind then go with the flow, I’d rather have deep unwavering convictions then give in to acceptable average. I’d rather be strong and self-sufficient then a meek damsel in distress. I’d rather feel too much then feel nothing at all. I’d rather have high expectations and strive for better then settle for less.

If I died tomorrow I’d rather be known for being just what I wanted to be then agreeable and forgettable.d5Jbw

I never want to dumb myself down or turn off a part of my personality; if you’re going to love me that means loving all of me even the annoying, frustrating, infuriating parts. I will no longer try to adjust and change who I am to better serve people around me. What you see is what you get.

I have several amazing friends who see me and love me just as I am; they always have. If they can do it then there is a man out there who can too. If he can’t handle me knowing more about construction then he does or more about cars then he isn’t a real man in my opinion; it’s not about the knowledge it’s the confidence. I’ll wait for the man who’s confident enough in himself to not be intimidated by who I am, a man who can stand on his own and be who he is and love who I am.

Yes; my expectations in myself and others are too high. But that’s okay! I am constantly trying to be better and want more. That doesn’t mean I’m not capable of accepting and loving people with flaws; I’m human, we all are and it’s not about perfection. It’s about loyalty, truth, love, honor, integrity, passion (not sexual) and drive. Why would I want to just exist when I could live?

I want to leave an impression on the world and the people around me; at first glance I may be “too” but I won’t apologize for it or regret it for one minute longer. I am 25 this is who I am! Maybe I’ll change and be more what people want when I’m older but if I’m going to do that, I’ll do it on my own terms not because people demand it.

well_behaved_women_seldom_make_history_card-re5208dd613c1487989fb04604c2a3ae6_xvua8_8byvr_512I started this journey as a way to better understand myself, to make sure I had fun and lived while I was single but now I think I also needed to learn to love and accept myself and cut ties with those who continued to try and change who I am. Originally when I added “fall in love” to my bucket list I meant it to be the final bucket list item I would complete as that would then be an end to my single life; but now I think I needed to love me.

I could just scream at how obvious this was, everyone always said it “you have to love yourself before you can hope someone else will”. I didn’t fully understand that until now. I have let people critique my life who mean nothing to me and shouldn’t but I let them because I didn’t accept who I am. So this is me putting my foot down once and for all I love who I am I won’t change who I am.

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