Tag Archives: single


19 Apr

“I remember the rules, rules that were never spelled out but every woman knew: Don’t open your door to a stranger, even if he says he is the police. Make him slide his ID under the door. Don’t stop on the road to help a motorist pretending to be in trouble. Keep the locks on and keep going. If anyone whistles, don’t turn to look. Don’t go into a laundromat, by yourself, at night.

I think about laundromats. What I wore to them: shorts, jeans, jogging pants. What I put into them: my own clothes, my own soap, my own money, money I had earned myself. I think about having such control.

Now we walk along the same street, in red pairs, and no man shouts obscenities at us, speaks to us, touches us. No one whistles.

There is more than one kind of freedom, said Aunt Lydia. Freedom to and freedom from.”

-Margaret Atwood, The Handmaids Tale

I just finished reading this book for the first time. I wasn’t sure what to expect necessary but having watched the Hulu version first my expectation was for the book to be obvious horror…the kind that slaps you in the face and knocks you down.

That is not the experience you have while reading this at all. It’s subtle, it sneaks up on you like slowly being boiled to death; you don’t really understand what’s happening until it’s too late.


Margaret Atwood creates and experience for her reader that mimics that of the characters. “See. This is how it happens. It’s slow. It’s gradual. Just a little at a time. Just a little more. BAM! Now it’s too late. You’ve given everything away, you’ve given it all up. You have nothing left.”

This is how it happens. You’ll never see it coming but all at once it’s here, it’s gone.

This particular passage about the laundromat is what has struck me to my core. I can’t stop thinking about it, even now chapters and days later it’s on my mind. I’m a single woman I have to think about how to keep myself safe, how to be smart. What to do, and not to do.

But the laundromat…I can picture myself at the laundromat I use, wearing yoga pants or shorts. Sitting on the dryer reading a book-reading: a forbidden act for women. It is “my own clothes, my own soap, my own money, money I had earned myself. [and I do have and I do] think about having such control.”

What it would mean to loose the control, the freedom, the power I’ve carved out in this world for myself? Am I already letting it slip away? Will I? Could I?

This has rattled me more then I thought it would.


Spontaneous Solo Travel 

8 Mar

With the promise of a three day weekend I made the decision to do something I’d been wanting to do; visit St. Augustine, FL.

I did invite a couple of people, with short notice no one could come. I decided to go anyway. Best decision I could of made.

I had the most enjoyable weekend, possibly of all time. I booked and inexpensive hotel right in the center of all there was to see and do and I purchased a trolley tour that came with admission into 5 popular attractions.

I spent 48 hours going wherever I wanted, whenever I wanted, seeing and doing whatever I wanted. It was beyond perfection not having to compromise or think about anyone but myself. It truly blows my mind how much I’ve grown and changed in the last three years or so. There was a time when I wouldn’t even go to Walmart alone, now here I am traveling over two hundred miles for a weekend totally alone.

St. Augustine is truly amazing, the history, shopping, food, and all there was to see and experience. Now, the price of admission seemed a little high on some of the attractions but when purchased in the trolley package totally worth it. My only trolley complaint was if you wanted to get on just to get back near your hotel it could be quite a long ride, upwards of an hour/hour and half.

I learned a lot about the area, American history, and myself during this trip. 

The Christmas Card 

16 Dec

15326351_10104927238232114_9134524054777893964_nI’ll start off by admitting I did not want to do a personalized Christmas card. Those are for families and people with babies…not single girls. That’s awkward. But my best friend talked me into it by saying it would be fun, people would love it, and “you live an amazing life in Florida show it off!”

So to continue on my path of “brave, proud, single life”, I sent out 15 personalized Christmas cards. My best friend and her husband took the picture for the card and I created them on Shutterfly; I love that website so much. I buy way too much from them.

At first the plan was to take the picture with the Scooby Shack… but I couldn’t think of a way to take the picture that wouldn’t look exceptionally awkward, as well as have other people an their homes in the background. Ultimately we decided to take the pictures at the beach and the they turned out awesome! The water was a beautiful shade of aqua that day and I wore a great Lilly Pulitzer dress.

img_0791For the card itself I decided to add some intentional “funny” to the body of my card by adding the chorus lyrics to “Single Bells”. On the front I put “Seas & Greetings”. I even made the envelopes special by coloring a large monogram of everyone’s last initial on the front, a snowflake on the back, as well as matching address labels I ordered from Shutterfly. 

It’s funny how there are just some things in our society we don’t do because of social convention, seriously it’s just a Christmas card. But it’s not the norm. All of the Shutterfly examples used to showcase the different styles were of parents with their children, and a few young couples. Our society really sends mixed messages about “single life”. For the most part it is glamorized, exaggerated and celebrated by the entertainment industry. But when it comes to product sales relationships and families are hailed.

The small group of close friends and family I sent the cards to all seemed to enjoy them. I sure would love to know the reaction of the person who printed my cards… I wonder if they thought they were funny, clever, or strange?


img_0790 img_0789

Freezing Usable Portions

13 Dec

img_1121I was asked how I prepare meals being single. Well it’s definitely hard. I don’t eat leftovers so I don’t want to waste food… It’s rare healthy that food is packaged in single servings, but I’m figuring it out.

I’ll start posting some of the things I’ve figured out so far. The first is freezing usable portions.

I buy fruit (canned, fresh, or frozen) blend it with water or juice, protein powder and then freeze that mix in ice cube trays. All of those cubes I put into a zip-lock bag in the freezer once they’re frozen. 4 ice cubes of the fruit protein mix then can be blended with a little more juice, protein powder, and a couple of spoonfuls of plain Greek yogurt (22% protein!) to make an awesome smoothie.

I also portion out pasta sauce this way. I freeze them in ice cube trays and store them in a zip-lock bag.

Other food that can be portioned out and frozen are meats, even though I rarely buy it. I buy the smallest amount of ground beef or turkey that I can and I break it up into two or three zip-lock bags. This can also be done with shrimp just look at the serving size on the package and break it into that many individual bags.


21 May

5cc39bb680ca95fd35c8315cb4239db8“Attractive as some things are you have to weigh your risks. How badly do you want it, how badly are you willing to be burned?”

This quote has really stuck with me the last few days, its from a book by Patrick Rothfuss that recently finished reading called The Wise Man’s Fear.

The idea of moving to a tropical climate was so attractive; but ever since I moved I’ve faced trial after trial. It has truly been the most difficult year I’ve ever experienced. I made the rash decision to accept a job outside of my experience and education and move after having my heart-broken. I thought new everything would help it hurt less.

Being in a new place, with a new car, a new job, new friends, has been exciting…but learning a whole new life all at once would be hard in the best of circumstances but I left because of hurt…out of fear and anger.

Now a year later I’m missing my former life. But, you can’t go back right? I’m tired of missing out on my nephew growing up, on family events…it’s not Ohio and the unforgiving five months of winter that I miss…it’s the people.

Sure this is the perfect weather for me…and I have access to the beach whenever I want but is the sun, surf, and sand more important than family?

I have a big decision to make; give it another year or run home.


14 Nov

6a725472069d2004f534b761da5c901aSince moving to Florida I’ve tried to do more things alone, and I don’t mean just watching Netflix when I’m not at work, but I do that a lot too.

I’ve been going to the beach, taking photos, walking for miles, lost in thought and enjoying the view.

The other day I spent the day on the beach then went to a few stores and window shopped, got a pedicure, had dinner alone. It was a quiet day but I need to learn to like the person I am on my own.

I’m forcing myself to do this so I don’t have regrets later…I don’t look back on the time I lived in Florida as the time I never did anything but watch Netflix. I really don’t enjoy doing things alone…I used to refuse to even go to the grocery store alone, now I do it all the time.

It is a lonely life but maybe if I’m lonely now I won’t have to be lonely later…


Tossing shells into the ocean like pennies into a well.


Catching up on some reading.


Sunrise over the intercoastal

The 14 Things You’ll Regret When You’re Older

16 Aug
  1. tikigiki_people-woman-002Not traveling when you had the chance: more responsibilities pile up the older you get; do it while you have less restraints.
  2. Staying in a bad relationship: just because all your friends are getting married doesn’t mean a bad relationship is your ticket to status quo.
  3. Failing to make physical fitness a priority: at least make an effort to be healthier.
  4. Letting yourself be defined by gender roles: it’s 2015 people.
  5. Not quitting a terrible job: I stuck around in a terrible job way longer then I should of, DON’T DO IT the paycheck isn’t worth your sanity.
  6. Not realizing how beautiful you are: I’ve looked back on middle school pictures when I remember thinking “ew I’m so fat” and now I wish I looked like I did then…in 15 years I’ll probably think the say way about myself now.
  7. Not listening to your parents’ advice: your mom is always right, stop fighting it. 
  8. Caring too much about what other people think: at the end of your life you won’t be thinking about those people right? Then they don’t matter.
  9. Supporting others’ dreams over your own: it’s easy to do when you’re not sure what your own dream is…but you should at least be making yourself happy. 
  10. Not standing up for yourself: you’re an adult now you need to stop letting other people fight your battles, or worse yet getting walked all over. Demand what you deserve which is always better then what you accept.
  11. Not volunteering enough: even if you have very little you still have more then at least one person on this planet.
  12. Refusing to let friendships run their course: people change, if you’re growing apart let it happen. At least don’t be the only person in the friendship that is fighting to make it work. 
  13. Never taking a big risk: just like traveling, its easier to do while your young and only have yourself to worry about if you fail.
  14. Not spending enough time with loved ones: friends and job are important but don’t get so wrapped up you forget about the people who matter most; your family. 



Be Careful What You Wish For

21 Jun

Only-Man-ValentineFinding love has been on my “Wish” List for as long as I can remember. I even used to wish for it every new years eve for that coming year. And here I am 27 and in my misguided naïve mind I thought I had found it.

But I was wrong.

When I wished to “Fall In Love” it never occurred to me I was wishing for the one thing that would hurt me most of all. I should have wished for the right person, at the right time, to fall in love with me at the same time I fell in love with him.

But that’s not what I wished for.

I simply wished to “Fall In Love”. Well I got my wish, I “Fell In Love”; unrequited, miscommunicated, misunderstood, one-sided, year-long relationship of “Love”.

Be careful what you wish for.

Half Done

9 Sep

woman_writing2I was taking a look at my bucket list today and realized I am almost exactly half done with it…kinda crazy. And there are a few things on that list that I’ve done but haven’t blogged about; not really sure why not. Guess I just feel like I need to do it better to count as being completed.

As of today I have 38 things on my bucket list, I have officially finished and blogged about 17 of them, after this post anyway.

13. Spend an entire day with a friend who has kids (for some much needed perspective on how wonderfully tranquil your life really is at this point)

I’ve been spending a ton of time with a friend who is married with a one and a half year old. We have been friends for 16 years now and she lives six miles away from me, so we still hang out a ton. I’ve been on shopping trips with a happy baby, and a not so happy baby. I’ve watched movies with a toddler who is able to entertain himself, and movies where he can’t.  I’ve been with him on days when he couldn’t possibly be in a better mood and days…well days where he wasn’t.

I’ve seen so many different angles, sides and situations of being a parent of a young child and it’s not easy. It’s not at all easy, and as I’ve gotten older I went from assuming I’d have kids because that’s “what you do” to not so sure I want kids at all; at least not for a while anyway.  I’m perfectly happy being the aunt who can hang out, good days or bad days, and love them anyway but still get to go back to doing whatever I want, whenever I want, at the end of the day.

11. Let your friends set you up (and have an open mind about it)

I’m not going to go into a ton of detail about this particular number on my bucket list, but I’ll say this: I did let a friend introduce me to her husbands best friend and we’ve hung out several times, totally low-key group setting and I’m glad I let her…he’s pretty great. Super nice, funny, an amazing friend, and he can cook which is perfect because I can’t…at all. I burned a pot of boiling water once.  Plus I’m pretty sure he likes me, clearly he has impeccable taste (insert laugh here).


10 May

gibsongirlinwaterThere are so many things I want to do; places I want to experience, movies I want to see…unfortunately I feel like I need to do all those things with another person.

If I want to see a friend in in another state I try an wrangle another friend into going with me. I want to track my lineage in Germany, see the seven wonders or eat pasta in Italy I feel like I need to have a travel buddy. I get it, it’s safer that’s why I don’t take my passport right now an hop a plane. But it’s more then safety. I don’t want to experience the world and make memories alone.

Even something as simple as seeing a movie; I won’t go alone. I can be jumping out of my skin exited to see something but if no one else wants to I’ll wait for it to be available on demand. Everyone says you have to learn to be alone before you’ll be a good couple, but that doesn’t make sense! Did they eat dinner, see movies, and travel alone before they were paired up? Probably not. I’d be willing to bet they met in high school or college and never once did anything actually, truly, and literally alone.

The world is set up for things to be done as groups or pairs; tables in restaurants, roller coaster rides, swings at the park… humans are social people we live and work together so when we see a crazy cat lady who lives totally alone we laugh at her or judge her, or worse we feel sorry for her. But hasn’t she done exactly as everyone suggested and learned to live alone?

“Single” people would be, and are, perfectly happy when they’re surrounded by groups of people, not having to do anything alone. It’s not about being in a relationship with the mythical “soul mate” its about not having to make memories alone. This drives some people closer to their friends, family, even their work. But for some people it drives them to a relationship that is all wrong for them.  I’d guess I made my choice and would rather be “single” then in the wrong relationship. But what I never want to have to do is not live or make memories singular because of that choice.